Get A Grip.

Miss me?

I didn't really miss blogging because I just enjoyed a fabulous Christmas break with my family. Now THERES the secret to happiness.. knowing that I'm going to be with these people FOREVER.

But this post isn't about how awesome my family and my husband's family are (aka all my family), its about a roller coaster.
That's right, a roller coaster you've never ridden before that starts slow, but once it picks up speed there is no way to figure out where its going next. This isn't a particularly clever analogy, in fact I'm considering not including it in this post at all. For the sake of not being able to think of another one, however, I'm going to have to settle with my life is like a roller coaster pitch.

As a quick recap, December was an awesome spin on the coaster that I wish I could repeat or spend more time on. Sean and I have enjoyed a little over a month of zero arguing and a relationship that I can only guess is what people are referring to when they describe Cloud 9. I'm really not trying to brag about it, though. Because, as anyone who's ever ridden a roller coaster can tell you, they can't go up forever. Inevitably you reach the top and for just a moment you're rounding the summit and wondering if its about to take you on an easy spin downwards or a deep, stomach-wrenching plunge.
I've been frozen in that moment for a couple days. Is one nasty argument really capable of destroying all progress we've made? Are we about to fall and forget how lovely a view we had on the ride up? Oh gracious Madison.. GET A GRIP.
Today I unveiled a new truth for myself. I CAN fake it till I make it. Sometimes to feel confident and happy, I have to fake it first and I'll fool myself into believing it. It was a couple rough days.. no one gets to be blissful every second of every day. I've been so blessed with such an immense degree of pure love between me and Sean that I shouldn't be surprised its time for me to use what I've learned. Our relationship has gotten stronger, and because of that we will have to endure harder trials together, maybe even more trials. In any case, a roller coaster may start off with its biggest and most terrifying drop, but its just so you can gain speed and get through the next ones. In fact, if you survive that one everything else seems easy in comparison. (Soo deep, I know.)

Anyways this whole spiel has a point. I'm starting off 2013, a new month and a new year, focusing on my ATTITUDE.
I don't want to be at the top of the ride about to fall over the side with nothing but fear and worry. I want to enjoy the view from the top and believe that no matter where I fall or how upside down life seems, in the end I'll be able to look back at the ride and know that it was worth it. And it is.
I may be disoriented (often) and anxious of the future (most of the time), but its not going to help the course get any straighter. I'm going to learn to scream all the fear out of me and turn it into joy and fun.

This week I'll be practicing an Attitude of Gratitude. This means that every prayer I say is used to say Thank You for everything I've been given, and that I walk around grateful for EVERYTHING (even the rain if it decides to be horrible and continue its rampage over the island.) I've heard a lot throughout my life about the benefit of focusing on what we are thankful for, so this week I'm putting it to the test (to the extreme.) I'm actually really excited about this, someone remind me to report back about it..

In general I'm also working on my attitude towards being flexible. I am a little skeptical about the success I'll have with this because I feel like my desire to know about things and make plans is part of my unchangeable personality, but I can always develop new ways of handling change right?

I feel really good about this week, well.. this year in general. If you must know (as if you were insisting or something?) I haven't posted until now because I didn't feel good about it. I've just plain missed my family and I've been struggling with feeling like I don't belong at my job anymore. So I'm telling myself to GET A GRIP. If I can't change what's going to happen I HAVE to learn to find happiness in it somewhere.. or at least be happy that whatever's happening will end at some point.

So my friends, Happy New Year. I hope you all have made more concrete resolutions than I have. Perhaps if you were considering starting a happiness project then now would be a grand time to begin!