I fell in love with Sean very quickly. And, as anyone that has ever been in love can probably tell you, its a lot harder to learn to love than it is to fall in it. (Of course, when is falling ever very difficult?)
Being in love is having stars in your eyes that cover up any faults your sweetheart has. Its being on a high 24/7 because even if you're not with your wonderfully perfect significant other, just thinking about them makes you happy. Its feeling like you aren't complete unless you're together, like living isn't the same without them and you don't understand how you did it before. Its being able to communicate with ease because no matter what you're really hearing, all of it is surely a sign you were meant to find each other.
Learning to love is simply not this way. Its forgiveness and patience for faults you realize you can't stand, its loving someone despite of the faults you can't stand. Its accepting that, even if your relationship isn't everything you thought it would be, he/she is worth the effort in learning to love them for who they are.
I read a lot of books by one author, Jodi Picoult (by "a lot" I mean all.. I've read all of them. And I think she is where I get my writing style from?) Anyways, her books almost always include a relationship between a husband and wife, young in-love high schoolers, or old friends in which the couple understands each other so perfectly sometimes they don't even need to talk and everything's being said. They complete each other, and love despite bad decisions and flaws.
I just discovered today that there is a perfect place on Sean's shoulder where I can lay and fit perfectly. I was wondering why I hadn't noticed it before, but I figured it was just because he was sitting differently or something. But it felt like what Jodi Picoult writes about... like suddenly I had come across a moment where we just fit together perfectly.
Soo I guess what I'm trying to say is that love changes. Even if its always there as an underlying connection between two people, as the reason they struggle through communicating and understanding each other... it changes.
I used to HATE that my relationship with Sean wasn't the one I had assumed my relationship with my husband would be. I wanted him to know what I needed without me saying a word, I wanted him to be patient with my faults and understand why I have them, and I thought he would constantly be assuring me how much I meant to him.
I have spent so many hours feeling nothing short of despair because I thought I would never have the relationship I felt I needed with my husband.
Thankfully I've come to my senses. In one of these low moments of self pity, when I found that I needed to be the one to comfort my husband even though I felt I was the one truly in need of of some TLC... I really understood what it means when people say "it takes time." It doesn't matter that I think I'm clearly spelling out for him what I'm thinking and what I need him to do, until he's ready to do it its not going to matter. And thats ok, because one day he will get it. Because love changes. Right now its a lifeline in a nasty storm of early married life, but one day it will be comfortable and understanding.
Sean and I are finding out new things about each other, and every day our relationship changes just a little. But sometimes it just takes a small change to help us realize that it is possible, that love has the power to soften hearts and tie two people together forever.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today.
Name that movie! (From the title..)
So guessss what month it is!! (Again..)
MARRIAGE MONTH! Yay!
Because I got behind a month by postponing my marriage month/making Faith take up 1.5 months, I was tempted to combine Marriage and Home together.. but both call for big things so I'll fit it in somewhere else.
Ok honestly just thinking about this month makes me nervous. BUT I have resolutions and I'm sincerely excited about it as well. Well, today I am anyways (who knows about tomorrow), which means there is no better time for me to put in writing what I plan on accomplishing this month.
In preparation for my marriage goals, I've poured over list after list.. "6 Ways to Build up Our Husbands", "20 Ways to Bring you and Your Husband Closer to each other", "100 Ways to Make your Marriage Rock", etc, etc.
These all have enlightening or creative ideas (the links are below if you're interested), but the only list I'm going to spell out fully is my "20 Ways..." List. I actually got this list from a lesson in church about the blessings of marriage.
1. Night and Morning Prayer
4. A weekly Date
6. Daily service.
7. A Budget.
8. Listening
9. Regular attendance at church meetings and the temple.
10. Daily Scripture Reading.
11. Working Together.
12. Forgiving Each other.
13. Courtesies.
15. Learning together.
16. Respect.
17. Supporting your spouse's goals, needs, callings, etc..
18. Support your spouse's family
19. Occasional gifts.
20. Loving with ALL your heart. "Fall in love with the same person over and over again."
All of these things are important and I wish I could get them all perfect in a month, but I've chosen a few based on this list and the main things I feel that Sean and I need to work on.
So my resolutions are as follows::
FIRST: Daily Service. My last post revealed that one of my "aha" moments was realizing I need to serve more. My husband should be at the top of the list. So every day I'll try to serve him in some way.
SECOND: Play Time. Some days I wish we had nothing else in the world to do but be together, some days I'm grateful for work and school that give me a break from being at home.. but overall Sean and I need a lot more time together that is just spent having fun with each other. We don't always know how to do this, but this goal encompasses us finding a hobby we both enjoy and learning how to spend time together (sounds so ridiculous but trust me, we need it.) I also know I need to be more lighthearted. Easier said than done for me sometimes, but I know we need things to be less serious all the time. I want to be as happy and carefree as I was when we first started dating.
THIRD: Start a New Tradition. I have no idea where I want to go with this. So far I'm totally open minded about what this could mean, but I've read in a few places that traditions allow couples to have something to look forward to each time that event comes around. Plus I want to have fun traditions for our kids to grow up with.
FOURTH: Follow Our Budget. A staggering amount of marriages break up over finances. Over MONEY. As if it didn't ruin enough things in the world.. We have set up a tentative budget, the trick now will be making it through a month where we actually stick to it effectively.
FIFTH: 5 Minute Forgiveness. I forgive easily, but I have a hard time doing it without an apology. And Sean has a hard time apologizing for things he doesn't think are wrong. We've definitely improved as I've tried listening to his request for me to explain things clearly (like everything) and he has accepted that that is hard for me to do. There is vast room for improvement here though.
SIXTH: An Attitude of Gratitude. This is more of a command from my cousin (in a good way), but I've "decided" to start a small journal in which every day I write at least 3 things I am grateful for about Sean.
Marriage is hard you guys. But I have faith that it is worth it.
I could use a few different scriptures to say this, but one of my favorite endurance verses comes from the doctrine and covenants. Joseph Smith, who has been imprisoned in rotten conditions while the Saints are persecuted and killed cries out to God, asking him why he has forsaken his faithful children in the time of their greatest need. To which He replies "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment. And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." D&C 121:7-8.
Endure it well. Not just those of you who are stumbling through marriage, but with everything. The adversary doesn't want us to choose good things. He'll fight against every step we take towards living a better life, but it WILL BE worth every trial.
Sorry for the long post, its going to be a long month :)
6 Ways to Build Up your Husbands
100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock
p.s. the Movie I got the title from is The Princess Bride.
So guessss what month it is!! (Again..)
MARRIAGE MONTH! Yay!
Because I got behind a month by postponing my marriage month/making Faith take up 1.5 months, I was tempted to combine Marriage and Home together.. but both call for big things so I'll fit it in somewhere else.
Ok honestly just thinking about this month makes me nervous. BUT I have resolutions and I'm sincerely excited about it as well. Well, today I am anyways (who knows about tomorrow), which means there is no better time for me to put in writing what I plan on accomplishing this month.
In preparation for my marriage goals, I've poured over list after list.. "6 Ways to Build up Our Husbands", "20 Ways to Bring you and Your Husband Closer to each other", "100 Ways to Make your Marriage Rock", etc, etc.
These all have enlightening or creative ideas (the links are below if you're interested), but the only list I'm going to spell out fully is my "20 Ways..." List. I actually got this list from a lesson in church about the blessings of marriage.
1. Night and Morning Prayer
- This has become especially important to me since last month's goals. Marriage is between me, Sean, AND the Lord. We are totally inadequate to handle what we go through alone. So I've adopted the motto "Do your best and the Lord will do the rest" but for this to work we have to pray for his help.
- I actually tried doing this last Sunday but I was doing other things at the same time so I got annoyed at like everything Sean was asking me. Haha so counterproductive. So during these meetings, FOCUS.
4. A weekly Date
- If you're trying to do this, PUT IT ON THE SCHEDULE. It won't happen if you're trying to squeeze it in somewhere last minute.
6. Daily service.
7. A Budget.
8. Listening
9. Regular attendance at church meetings and the temple.
10. Daily Scripture Reading.
11. Working Together.
12. Forgiving Each other.
13. Courtesies.
- Leave the chair free where he usually puts his towel, declutter our surfaces, reminders...
15. Learning together.
16. Respect.
17. Supporting your spouse's goals, needs, callings, etc..
18. Support your spouse's family
19. Occasional gifts.
20. Loving with ALL your heart. "Fall in love with the same person over and over again."
All of these things are important and I wish I could get them all perfect in a month, but I've chosen a few based on this list and the main things I feel that Sean and I need to work on.
So my resolutions are as follows::
FIRST: Daily Service. My last post revealed that one of my "aha" moments was realizing I need to serve more. My husband should be at the top of the list. So every day I'll try to serve him in some way.
SECOND: Play Time. Some days I wish we had nothing else in the world to do but be together, some days I'm grateful for work and school that give me a break from being at home.. but overall Sean and I need a lot more time together that is just spent having fun with each other. We don't always know how to do this, but this goal encompasses us finding a hobby we both enjoy and learning how to spend time together (sounds so ridiculous but trust me, we need it.) I also know I need to be more lighthearted. Easier said than done for me sometimes, but I know we need things to be less serious all the time. I want to be as happy and carefree as I was when we first started dating.
THIRD: Start a New Tradition. I have no idea where I want to go with this. So far I'm totally open minded about what this could mean, but I've read in a few places that traditions allow couples to have something to look forward to each time that event comes around. Plus I want to have fun traditions for our kids to grow up with.
FOURTH: Follow Our Budget. A staggering amount of marriages break up over finances. Over MONEY. As if it didn't ruin enough things in the world.. We have set up a tentative budget, the trick now will be making it through a month where we actually stick to it effectively.
FIFTH: 5 Minute Forgiveness. I forgive easily, but I have a hard time doing it without an apology. And Sean has a hard time apologizing for things he doesn't think are wrong. We've definitely improved as I've tried listening to his request for me to explain things clearly (like everything) and he has accepted that that is hard for me to do. There is vast room for improvement here though.
SIXTH: An Attitude of Gratitude. This is more of a command from my cousin (in a good way), but I've "decided" to start a small journal in which every day I write at least 3 things I am grateful for about Sean.
Marriage is hard you guys. But I have faith that it is worth it.
I could use a few different scriptures to say this, but one of my favorite endurance verses comes from the doctrine and covenants. Joseph Smith, who has been imprisoned in rotten conditions while the Saints are persecuted and killed cries out to God, asking him why he has forsaken his faithful children in the time of their greatest need. To which He replies "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment. And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." D&C 121:7-8.
Endure it well. Not just those of you who are stumbling through marriage, but with everything. The adversary doesn't want us to choose good things. He'll fight against every step we take towards living a better life, but it WILL BE worth every trial.
Sorry for the long post, its going to be a long month :)
6 Ways to Build Up your Husbands
100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock
p.s. the Movie I got the title from is The Princess Bride.