When you know, you know... so wait.

I can't think of a more eloquent title for my message today. This is a break from my happiness project updates, and as much as I wanted to wait to post this until my marriage month, I figure there's no point in putting it off.
Note: I may or may not write a book about this. The audience is mostly intended to be young LDS couples, but I imagine most of you will find it compelling anyways.

So you know that couple who's only been dating for a few weeks, or even a few months, and is already planning their wedding date? What is it that they say again? Oh, thats right "When you know, you know!"
Has our generation started to use this as a crutch for rushing into marriage? I absolutely believe that God knows us and He knows who would be good companions for us. I don't believe that there is "The One." There are far too many people in the world for that. I do believe that there are "the few" who can fulfill, at least partially, our romantic, fairy-tale expectations of being in love. The young couples we see getting engaged left and right can fall into this category, but this is rarely the case. In fact, sometimes the only common ground they share is the gospel, which I absolutely believe can be enough for a lasting marriage, but, and I can't stress this enough, NOT an easy one.
I am not saying don't get married unless you're best friends and you can read each others thoughts and he opens the door for you and you love to do the same things etc... I'm saying that it's wonderful to KNOW that he/she is right for you, that you've found someone that the Lord has put in your path as a potential eternal companion, but just because its right there is no reason to rush to the altar.
When two people get married, their relationship changes (usually) from a carefree dating and lovey-dovey stage to one with responsibilities to each other and expectations. For example, I didn't expect my husband when we were dating to tell me where he was going to be and where his money was being spent. When we got married, he was surprised to find that he could no longer go out to eat when he pleased or leave the house for hours without me getting upset at him upon his return. I expected that he would view marriage as I did: a partnership in which we communicate with each other, are open about everything, want to spend spare time together, and create a family budget together. For one reason or another, and culture can play a very heavy role in our expectations, but he did not (does not) have the same understanding of how a marriage should be as I do. I've found that BECAUSE we're married, it is WAY harder for us to come to an agreement about how marriage SHOULD or should not be. I have no way of testing this theory, but I believe that if we had taken the time to discuss what we wanted from marriage and what we expected of each other beforehand, we would be 10 times more willing to make the necessary changes for each other than we are now.

Which brings me to my point: WAIT. Get engaged, love each other, plan a wedding for the future, but WAIT on it. Take time to learn each other. Most people take a year to plan a wedding because there is too much planning to do on short notice. Mormon weddings don't require nearly as much preparation, but getting to know the person you'll be spending eternity with does. Ask the questions about your future. Get to know favorites, how they were raised, what they want out of life, their needs, and the list goes on and on.
Its not reasonable to think you can learn everything before marriage, and that would take the fun out of getting to know each other through the years... but the beginning of your marriage will be hard regardless of how in love you are, Don't make it harder by marrying someone you barely know!

Just.. learn each other you guys. Thats all.

Stuck?

First of all.. stuck is a very strange word if you look at it for a minute or two.

Second, I apologize for going almost a month without updating. I've occasionally thought of a topic to write about, but I haven't had a conclusion. I suppose I'm too stuck in the American narrative in which everything comes with a happy ending (.. wait does that still exist?) In any case, I've been nothing short of confused throughout all of October. I posted awhile ago about sticking to values.. that people won't be happy if they're living below the standards they have.
Well, as it turns out, just abiding by standards isn't enough either. This is an incredibly daunting message, and I'll explain why. When we finally come to turns with the idea that choosing the "right" (whatever we may deem it to be) brings us happiness, and we learn to live accordingly, we have just raised the bar for ourselves. If you're determined in life to be an underachiever you may excuse yourself at this time.
I like to think, though, that this isn't the case for many people. That when we truly think about ourselves and where we envision our future to be, it isn't in the same place as we currently are (or worse, a few steps backwards), but instead its somewhere better. No, we may not like the work thats necessary in progressing (ESPECIALLY when it feels like no one cares about our progress or attempts at improving ourselves)... but I have faith that we'll like the reward.
I've been trying my best to do it all. I've prayed, I've read the scriptures, I've gone to church, I fulfilled my responsibilities as a member of the church, I've gone to the temple... these are things I've heard my entire life. MY ENTIRE LIFE. Soo.. somehow I was expecting a round of applause and a break from hard days. ha. ha. ha.
On the contrary, I realized that I was still missing something very important. Unfortunately, it wasn't until about a week ago that I understood which gospel principle it was: service... Also something I've heard my whole life, but perhaps thats what has made is seem unimportant.
Thankfully, going into my church's General Conference with an inquisitive mind and open heart I was able to feel the weight of this counsel.

This quote is a bit long, but read it anyways!

Many of us are dutiful in attending our Church meetings. We work hard in our callings and especially on Sundays. That is surely to be commended. But are our minds and our hearts just as anxiously engaged in good things during the rest of the week? Do we just go through the motions, or are we truly converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ? How do we take the seed of faith that has been nurtured in our minds and plant it deep in the fertile soil of our souls? How do we make the mighty change of heart that Alma says is essential for our eternal happiness and peace?

Only when our testimony transcends what is in our mind and burrows deep into our heart will our motivation to love and to serve become like unto the Savior’s. It is then, and only then, that we become deeply converted disciples of Christ empowered by the Spirit to reach the hearts of our fellowmen.

-Elder M. Russel Ballard

so there ya have it. Well.. I could quote a lot of other parts of conference that hit me with this same idea. I will share one other quote that was weighing on my mind before the conference. 

"Unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives."

-Pres. Thomas S. Monson

well there ya have it. Service my friends. That it. That is what has gotten me out of the rut I've been in. Other counsel regarding this (that I don't feel like finding the exact quote of) urges us to pray every morning for opportunities to serve. I've been really trying to do this. I can feel that this is what I'm supposed to be working on. Take it or leave it.. thats where my happiness will come from.

I could take this message so much further.. In fact I could spend a year telling you all about this one thing. I will let you know how its going, and maybe share an experience or two. If I don't though, its mostly because these kinds of experiences are usually very special to me, and somehow sharing them feels like bragging about how wonderful I am and how much I help others. Just knowing that some may view it that way makes me cautious to share too much, but I'll share what I feel like I need to for your benefit! 

Sorry again for the delay, it won't happen again :] (uh.. hopefully.)