Happy July! Though I am sure my absence in the blog world has been missed (ya right), I won't waste anyone's time apologizing for my inactivity. It may or may not happen again, who really knows whats going to happen after a burst of "I-should-keep-up-with-my-blog" motivation.
Whats funny is that before I sat down to send some thoughts into the unknown, I had so many of them. Now I can't seem to think of anything that was so pressing before, but I think I need to touch upon what I've been doing the past 4 months.
In short, I have not been doing my happiness project. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for lasting 6 months on one project I have to say. Either way, I can go forward from here in a few different directions.
a. I can write off my blog, call it a good ride and take one developing commitment off my plate.
b. I can revamp the resolutions I've set for myself and pick up where I left off (probably skipping the health part for now since that's where I died before.)
c. I can keep the blog, skip the project, and rant about nothing for awhile.
Fine, you're right.. I should probably go with b. But somehow I feel different from when I was going through my happiness project before.
I don't want a checklist, I want to live so tuned in to God's plan for me that my actions and everyday choices reflect what he wants me to do. So after I work to figure out what brings me and my family happiness, I will rely on a more reliable source to remind me to keep up those things.
Joy is happiness that burns in your soul. There is no extinguishing the feelings of love that you will feel when you understand your place in eternity as a child of an ever-watchful God. Loneliness does not exist, fear does not exist where the love of God is embraced.
What can be so heartbreaking about this truth is that SO many people believe that being loved is dependent on their actions or beliefs. I have earnestly been trying to love as Christ and our Father in Heaven love us and to see people through their eyes. As I have tried to do so, however imperfectly I may be accomplishing it, I understand more fully how perfect and enveloping that love is. It is true joy to feel the love is given FREELY to us, and to feel it for another person, any person.
Wow.. I didn't know I would be going in that direction when I started this.
I also have a word to say concerning friendship. I sort of recently moved to a new home (welcome to Provo).. which means I have hardly any friends in the area. I don't know what this month was supposed to focus on, but I think right now I'll be focusing on building friendships and the best way to do it.
Maybe no one else needs a tutorial on how to make friends, but its something I could use so I figure I'll let yall know what works and doesn't work about the way I do it.
Until next time :)
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
February and March all at once!
You may or may not have noticed that I haven't posted anything since January. (If you did notice thanks for being a somewhat interested fan, and if you didn't thats ok too.) Honestly I've started a few different posts but never finished them.
February was supposed to be focused on learning. I was too busy learning to write about it, but I did make an important connection for myself. I go to BYUH, where religion and education are not only side-by-side, but intwined. I've realized that this is an incredibly unique thing. Most of America believes religion should be separate from.. well.. just about everything. But I am so grateful that I don't have to keep my faith separate from my schooling. In fact, incorporating what I believe about the gospel of Christ into my studies not only helps me to do better in school than I ever could on my own, but it also helps me make connections between basically everything in this life and our Father in Heaven who created it all. Every once in awhile I'm amidst the mob of people who complain about unfair honor code enforcement and how "strict" the administration can be, but regardless I still appreciate this learning environment. Many people who seek higher education find themselves drifting from the faith they grew believing in.. they put their trust in science or things they can prove, or their sophisticated philosophy classes have them thinking about where faith fits in to human reasoning. Bottom line, I can learn about all of that stuff in a way that actually strengthens my faith instead of hurting it.
I love learning. I'm happy when I'm moving forward and learning inside and outside of classes helps me feel like I'm progressing to different places in my life.
Now March has come and its a month I've wanted to delete off my list of resolutions because I'm supposed to be focusing on health. I suck at eating healthy and I hate exercising. I love sugar and salt and anything I don't have to cook or spend a fortune to buy. This leaves me with a crappy diet and a weak body. I don't get nearly enough protein so I feel tired and sick all the time. Unfortunately this is one of those things that I know in theory, but don't believe is actually true. Its weird, its a dumb way to think, and its time for a change.
First order of busy: I HAVE to learn that is ok to spend money on eating healthy! I've always hated spending a lot at the grocery store on food because it seems so temporary. I'd rather buy clothes that last years. Anyways I did already start this goal by allowing myself to shop well for good food. I found 3 recipes I wanted to learn how to make and I bought everything without feeling guilty at the register.. in fact it was actually kind of relieving to know I had a few meals I had everything for. Anyways this is far from being consistent and I'm sure when money's tight I'll slip back into eating junk because its cheaper.. but its a start. :)
I dont even want to mention exercise, but I figure working out 3 times a week is a good place to start. (Someone hold me to it or I'll cheat.)
Lasttt but not least. Sleep right! Early to bed early to rise. I'll be in bed by 9:30 and going to sleep no later than 10. And my alarm for everyday is set for 7 am. 9 hours of sleep is supposed to be enough for someone my age so we'll see how valid that is.
Any health tips would be appreciated. I'm not trying to lose weight, I just want to be healthy!
February was supposed to be focused on learning. I was too busy learning to write about it, but I did make an important connection for myself. I go to BYUH, where religion and education are not only side-by-side, but intwined. I've realized that this is an incredibly unique thing. Most of America believes religion should be separate from.. well.. just about everything. But I am so grateful that I don't have to keep my faith separate from my schooling. In fact, incorporating what I believe about the gospel of Christ into my studies not only helps me to do better in school than I ever could on my own, but it also helps me make connections between basically everything in this life and our Father in Heaven who created it all. Every once in awhile I'm amidst the mob of people who complain about unfair honor code enforcement and how "strict" the administration can be, but regardless I still appreciate this learning environment. Many people who seek higher education find themselves drifting from the faith they grew believing in.. they put their trust in science or things they can prove, or their sophisticated philosophy classes have them thinking about where faith fits in to human reasoning. Bottom line, I can learn about all of that stuff in a way that actually strengthens my faith instead of hurting it.
I love learning. I'm happy when I'm moving forward and learning inside and outside of classes helps me feel like I'm progressing to different places in my life.
Now March has come and its a month I've wanted to delete off my list of resolutions because I'm supposed to be focusing on health. I suck at eating healthy and I hate exercising. I love sugar and salt and anything I don't have to cook or spend a fortune to buy. This leaves me with a crappy diet and a weak body. I don't get nearly enough protein so I feel tired and sick all the time. Unfortunately this is one of those things that I know in theory, but don't believe is actually true. Its weird, its a dumb way to think, and its time for a change.
First order of busy: I HAVE to learn that is ok to spend money on eating healthy! I've always hated spending a lot at the grocery store on food because it seems so temporary. I'd rather buy clothes that last years. Anyways I did already start this goal by allowing myself to shop well for good food. I found 3 recipes I wanted to learn how to make and I bought everything without feeling guilty at the register.. in fact it was actually kind of relieving to know I had a few meals I had everything for. Anyways this is far from being consistent and I'm sure when money's tight I'll slip back into eating junk because its cheaper.. but its a start. :)
I dont even want to mention exercise, but I figure working out 3 times a week is a good place to start. (Someone hold me to it or I'll cheat.)
Lasttt but not least. Sleep right! Early to bed early to rise. I'll be in bed by 9:30 and going to sleep no later than 10. And my alarm for everyday is set for 7 am. 9 hours of sleep is supposed to be enough for someone my age so we'll see how valid that is.
Any health tips would be appreciated. I'm not trying to lose weight, I just want to be healthy!
Monday, January 28, 2013
A Chicken with its body cut off
I've been thinking about my thoughts constantly this month. I'm trying to be aware of how I perceive everything that happens to me and how I'm handling all I need to do.. which reminds that I left the laundry in the washing machine.
Now that thats taken care of.. I've felt like a chicken's head wondering where my body's running off to since school started. (Did that work? I was just trying to be more creative than the "chicken with its head cut off" thing). But it actually makes sense for me because really my body's been going through the motions of everything I have to do and my head's not really there.
This means that I don't have a good grasp on what I need to do for all my classes and when I am in class my mind wanders all over the place. Feeling sort of lost and jumbled would normally drive me insane and make me panicky about getting back on track and into a rhythm, but like I said I've been doing some introspection. My self awareness has led me to a surprisingly comfortable place: I'm grateful for the moments where I'm lost.
I spend a lot of time planning and preparing. I don't necessarily like doing it, but if you've been reading my posts for awhile you'll understand that its made me happy to have a plan and to accomplish things. So what I've done this month is taught myself that when that doesn't happen, it doesn't have to lead to a lack of happiness. I am capable of not only being content when my life isn't totally straightened out, but I am happy when it isn't.
I don't really have a "how to" for you, which makes me feel a little bad for posting about this. I just had to think my way into this idea. I do think it started with my Attitude of Gratitude week though.
It was really strange being grateful for things I would have previously been irritated at or I would have complained about, but none of it seemed like a big deal at all after I told myself I was in fact grateful for the small trial. And when the little annoyances and hassles aren't a big deal, there isn't anything preventing you from being happy. Moral of the story: TRY IT! Try going through a week of being grateful for EVERYTHING. that means being grateful for the mosquito bites you get at work, for a stolen longboard/bike, for having a messy house to clean, for the heaps of homework your teachers give you all at once, for the people who didn't sit next to you in class.. (just to name a few..) Try consciously telling yourself you're grateful for all of it.. at the end of the day try to remember what "trials" you endured and be grateful for the life you live.
Now that thats taken care of.. I've felt like a chicken's head wondering where my body's running off to since school started. (Did that work? I was just trying to be more creative than the "chicken with its head cut off" thing). But it actually makes sense for me because really my body's been going through the motions of everything I have to do and my head's not really there.
This means that I don't have a good grasp on what I need to do for all my classes and when I am in class my mind wanders all over the place. Feeling sort of lost and jumbled would normally drive me insane and make me panicky about getting back on track and into a rhythm, but like I said I've been doing some introspection. My self awareness has led me to a surprisingly comfortable place: I'm grateful for the moments where I'm lost.
I spend a lot of time planning and preparing. I don't necessarily like doing it, but if you've been reading my posts for awhile you'll understand that its made me happy to have a plan and to accomplish things. So what I've done this month is taught myself that when that doesn't happen, it doesn't have to lead to a lack of happiness. I am capable of not only being content when my life isn't totally straightened out, but I am happy when it isn't.
I don't really have a "how to" for you, which makes me feel a little bad for posting about this. I just had to think my way into this idea. I do think it started with my Attitude of Gratitude week though.
It was really strange being grateful for things I would have previously been irritated at or I would have complained about, but none of it seemed like a big deal at all after I told myself I was in fact grateful for the small trial. And when the little annoyances and hassles aren't a big deal, there isn't anything preventing you from being happy. Moral of the story: TRY IT! Try going through a week of being grateful for EVERYTHING. that means being grateful for the mosquito bites you get at work, for a stolen longboard/bike, for having a messy house to clean, for the heaps of homework your teachers give you all at once, for the people who didn't sit next to you in class.. (just to name a few..) Try consciously telling yourself you're grateful for all of it.. at the end of the day try to remember what "trials" you endured and be grateful for the life you live.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Get A Grip.
Miss me?
I didn't really miss blogging because I just enjoyed a fabulous Christmas break with my family. Now THERES the secret to happiness.. knowing that I'm going to be with these people FOREVER.
But this post isn't about how awesome my family and my husband's family are (aka all my family), its about a roller coaster.
That's right, a roller coaster you've never ridden before that starts slow, but once it picks up speed there is no way to figure out where its going next. This isn't a particularly clever analogy, in fact I'm considering not including it in this post at all. For the sake of not being able to think of another one, however, I'm going to have to settle with my life is like a roller coaster pitch.
As a quick recap, December was an awesome spin on the coaster that I wish I could repeat or spend more time on. Sean and I have enjoyed a little over a month of zero arguing and a relationship that I can only guess is what people are referring to when they describe Cloud 9. I'm really not trying to brag about it, though. Because, as anyone who's ever ridden a roller coaster can tell you, they can't go up forever. Inevitably you reach the top and for just a moment you're rounding the summit and wondering if its about to take you on an easy spin downwards or a deep, stomach-wrenching plunge.
I've been frozen in that moment for a couple days. Is one nasty argument really capable of destroying all progress we've made? Are we about to fall and forget how lovely a view we had on the ride up? Oh gracious Madison.. GET A GRIP.
Today I unveiled a new truth for myself. I CAN fake it till I make it. Sometimes to feel confident and happy, I have to fake it first and I'll fool myself into believing it. It was a couple rough days.. no one gets to be blissful every second of every day. I've been so blessed with such an immense degree of pure love between me and Sean that I shouldn't be surprised its time for me to use what I've learned. Our relationship has gotten stronger, and because of that we will have to endure harder trials together, maybe even more trials. In any case, a roller coaster may start off with its biggest and most terrifying drop, but its just so you can gain speed and get through the next ones. In fact, if you survive that one everything else seems easy in comparison. (Soo deep, I know.)
Anyways this whole spiel has a point. I'm starting off 2013, a new month and a new year, focusing on my ATTITUDE.
I don't want to be at the top of the ride about to fall over the side with nothing but fear and worry. I want to enjoy the view from the top and believe that no matter where I fall or how upside down life seems, in the end I'll be able to look back at the ride and know that it was worth it. And it is.
I may be disoriented (often) and anxious of the future (most of the time), but its not going to help the course get any straighter. I'm going to learn to scream all the fear out of me and turn it into joy and fun.
This week I'll be practicing an Attitude of Gratitude. This means that every prayer I say is used to say Thank You for everything I've been given, and that I walk around grateful for EVERYTHING (even the rain if it decides to be horrible and continue its rampage over the island.) I've heard a lot throughout my life about the benefit of focusing on what we are thankful for, so this week I'm putting it to the test (to the extreme.) I'm actually really excited about this, someone remind me to report back about it..
In general I'm also working on my attitude towards being flexible. I am a little skeptical about the success I'll have with this because I feel like my desire to know about things and make plans is part of my unchangeable personality, but I can always develop new ways of handling change right?
I feel really good about this week, well.. this year in general. If you must know (as if you were insisting or something?) I haven't posted until now because I didn't feel good about it. I've just plain missed my family and I've been struggling with feeling like I don't belong at my job anymore. So I'm telling myself to GET A GRIP. If I can't change what's going to happen I HAVE to learn to find happiness in it somewhere.. or at least be happy that whatever's happening will end at some point.
So my friends, Happy New Year. I hope you all have made more concrete resolutions than I have. Perhaps if you were considering starting a happiness project then now would be a grand time to begin!
I didn't really miss blogging because I just enjoyed a fabulous Christmas break with my family. Now THERES the secret to happiness.. knowing that I'm going to be with these people FOREVER.
But this post isn't about how awesome my family and my husband's family are (aka all my family), its about a roller coaster.
That's right, a roller coaster you've never ridden before that starts slow, but once it picks up speed there is no way to figure out where its going next. This isn't a particularly clever analogy, in fact I'm considering not including it in this post at all. For the sake of not being able to think of another one, however, I'm going to have to settle with my life is like a roller coaster pitch.
As a quick recap, December was an awesome spin on the coaster that I wish I could repeat or spend more time on. Sean and I have enjoyed a little over a month of zero arguing and a relationship that I can only guess is what people are referring to when they describe Cloud 9. I'm really not trying to brag about it, though. Because, as anyone who's ever ridden a roller coaster can tell you, they can't go up forever. Inevitably you reach the top and for just a moment you're rounding the summit and wondering if its about to take you on an easy spin downwards or a deep, stomach-wrenching plunge.
I've been frozen in that moment for a couple days. Is one nasty argument really capable of destroying all progress we've made? Are we about to fall and forget how lovely a view we had on the ride up? Oh gracious Madison.. GET A GRIP.
Today I unveiled a new truth for myself. I CAN fake it till I make it. Sometimes to feel confident and happy, I have to fake it first and I'll fool myself into believing it. It was a couple rough days.. no one gets to be blissful every second of every day. I've been so blessed with such an immense degree of pure love between me and Sean that I shouldn't be surprised its time for me to use what I've learned. Our relationship has gotten stronger, and because of that we will have to endure harder trials together, maybe even more trials. In any case, a roller coaster may start off with its biggest and most terrifying drop, but its just so you can gain speed and get through the next ones. In fact, if you survive that one everything else seems easy in comparison. (Soo deep, I know.)
Anyways this whole spiel has a point. I'm starting off 2013, a new month and a new year, focusing on my ATTITUDE.
I don't want to be at the top of the ride about to fall over the side with nothing but fear and worry. I want to enjoy the view from the top and believe that no matter where I fall or how upside down life seems, in the end I'll be able to look back at the ride and know that it was worth it. And it is.
I may be disoriented (often) and anxious of the future (most of the time), but its not going to help the course get any straighter. I'm going to learn to scream all the fear out of me and turn it into joy and fun.
This week I'll be practicing an Attitude of Gratitude. This means that every prayer I say is used to say Thank You for everything I've been given, and that I walk around grateful for EVERYTHING (even the rain if it decides to be horrible and continue its rampage over the island.) I've heard a lot throughout my life about the benefit of focusing on what we are thankful for, so this week I'm putting it to the test (to the extreme.) I'm actually really excited about this, someone remind me to report back about it..
In general I'm also working on my attitude towards being flexible. I am a little skeptical about the success I'll have with this because I feel like my desire to know about things and make plans is part of my unchangeable personality, but I can always develop new ways of handling change right?
I feel really good about this week, well.. this year in general. If you must know (as if you were insisting or something?) I haven't posted until now because I didn't feel good about it. I've just plain missed my family and I've been struggling with feeling like I don't belong at my job anymore. So I'm telling myself to GET A GRIP. If I can't change what's going to happen I HAVE to learn to find happiness in it somewhere.. or at least be happy that whatever's happening will end at some point.
So my friends, Happy New Year. I hope you all have made more concrete resolutions than I have. Perhaps if you were considering starting a happiness project then now would be a grand time to begin!