I got this awesome puzzle for 5 bucks from Walmart as a "lets sit down and talk for awhile" thing to do with my husband. We definitely did not find homes for all 1000 pieces in one night, so I'm still drudging through what I thought would be relatively simple. I guess matching up puzzle pieces opened up my brain's creative thinking cabinet because I've been pondering all afternoon.
I won't bore anyone with the rantings of my brain, but I did come up with a nice analogy for my puzzle solving and my happiness project month of persevering (because not giving up is essential to solving a 1000 piece puzzle of which half the pieces consist of sand and sky.)
Start with what you know how to do. After completing my border, did I begin my puzzle with all of the blue sky pieces that look exactly alike? (well.. Sean did which is probably why he's no longer helping me.).. No, I began with the bright yellow sailboat because bright yellow pieces are easy to find and there were a limited number of them. If you have a long list of things to complete in one day, or even over a longer time period, don't start with the most difficult, time-consuming task. Start small. Finishing the yellow boat was an easy indicator of things getting accomplished, of progression. I believe people can only live so long in a fixed state before they feel the urge to move on and progress towards something. By the same token, if you work and work at something and you don't see any results from your hard work, its extremely difficult to keep working at it, right? So allow yourself to complete small things before you tackle the big ones. And when you do get to the big things, try as much as possible to break them up into small steps.
Believe it or not I'm still reading the original Happiness Project book. I got so busy this month that I didn't get to finish reading through my inspiration, but almost every chapter I've read has had the same self-reflection by the author "Is all of this really making me happier?"
Will crossing off "wash the dishes" from my to-do list really allow me to be happy throughout a tiring 6 hour work day in the sun? No.. no, probably not. But what I'm learning how to do is invaluable to my project, and if I can make it a habit it will become invaluable for my life. I'm changing how I go about accomplishing things that need to get done in a way that will boost the feeling of accomplishment at the end, while also avoiding being overwhelmed and discouraged. I'm never going to stop having things to do.
Just like I'm finding all of the things I love about doing an obnoxious puzzle (i.e. when the right piece happens to be right next to where it should be, how accomplished I feel finishing a sailboat, feeling like I have a real talent completing puzzles, etc.) I'm trying to go about every day finding something new that I love about this process. (It's a good thing that I love learning in general because that is often the only thing that I can identify.)
I have a new goal this week. Reading is a hobby of mine, and though I have a lot of other things to do this week, I want to attack my school library and find any book on determination, perseverance, and marriage that I can. I know that was a poorly worded goal, but I don't really want to put a number on how many books I need to find or read.. I'll just know when I feel accomplished. :)
My marriage month is coming up in just 1 week! I'm mostly ready, and I don't feel too worried about adding new things because I've already tested out a few marriage-building goals this month.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Happiness in Small Places
Perseverance. Hmm.
I keep finding myself running out of goals. Its taking more effort to come up with a goal than it takes to accomplish it! Which is why I'm teaching myself to consciously set aside break time.
I've been writing down to-do lists (something I'm supposed to be doing every day for this month) but I get discouraged when the same task doesn't get accomplished and shows up on the list day after day. Discouraged isn't the right word.. lets try annoyed, upset, angry.
Failing is unpleasant.
To knock off a few of those pesky tasks I decided to allow myself some leeway. I used my first commandment "Ask for help."
I've had a consistently reoccurring feeling of guilt throughout this past year because I never sent any thank you notes after our wedding. (I'm sure I'm the only one who's ever done this! How horrible!!) Just kidding.. I realize this is fairly common, but rude nonetheless. So an anniversary thank you note is in the making, but I'm daunted by the complete lack of addresses, pictures, and sufficient "sorry-this-a-year-late-but-we-really-appreciate-your-help" wording. My solution: I asked a few people to help me gather addresses and I crossed it off my to-do list. There's no use having something up every day if it only makes me anxious about how I'm going to complete it. I made a step so no more nagging reminder. (a bit of happiness and relief ensued.)
As I mentioned, I've given myself break time. For instance, yesterday I went to town just to sit at the mall. My intention was to just people watch, but (to no one's surprise I'm sure) I may have stepped into Forever21. I bought my new favorite shirt and I laugh at anyone who says money can't buy happiness!
I keep finding myself running out of goals. Its taking more effort to come up with a goal than it takes to accomplish it! Which is why I'm teaching myself to consciously set aside break time.
I've been writing down to-do lists (something I'm supposed to be doing every day for this month) but I get discouraged when the same task doesn't get accomplished and shows up on the list day after day. Discouraged isn't the right word.. lets try annoyed, upset, angry.
Failing is unpleasant.
To knock off a few of those pesky tasks I decided to allow myself some leeway. I used my first commandment "Ask for help."
I've had a consistently reoccurring feeling of guilt throughout this past year because I never sent any thank you notes after our wedding. (I'm sure I'm the only one who's ever done this! How horrible!!) Just kidding.. I realize this is fairly common, but rude nonetheless. So an anniversary thank you note is in the making, but I'm daunted by the complete lack of addresses, pictures, and sufficient "sorry-this-a-year-late-but-we-really-appreciate-your-help" wording. My solution: I asked a few people to help me gather addresses and I crossed it off my to-do list. There's no use having something up every day if it only makes me anxious about how I'm going to complete it. I made a step so no more nagging reminder. (a bit of happiness and relief ensued.)
As I mentioned, I've given myself break time. For instance, yesterday I went to town just to sit at the mall. My intention was to just people watch, but (to no one's surprise I'm sure) I may have stepped into Forever21. I bought my new favorite shirt and I laugh at anyone who says money can't buy happiness!
I also laugh at people who think I've become an "adult" (which, granted, there aren't many) cause I'm definitely still a child at heart.
Sean and I attended a small concert at our school. AJ Rafael (a youtube artist) performed and of course my favorite song was his rendition of a Disney medley. It was hilarious and absolutely brightened up the evening.
For those who have read this blog since the beginning you know I started with an apartment makeover. That was a good start, but I've also realized as the junk builds back up that having a cluttered and messy home brings my mood down like 10 notches and puts me in a funk I can't erase without a nap. So strange to me.. Perhaps its because I know I'm supposed to be the homemaker for our home which means establishing "a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God." D&C 88:119
A messy house does not a "house of order" make.
Moral of the story:: buying things can bring happiness, clean your house, and don't be afraid to be a child sometimes.
Also, working towards and accomplishing goals is a huge source of happiness, so if you're going to take a break from a goal do it to find more things that can bring happiness!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
A Test
Well I had a bit of a slip up with my "Go a week without telling my husband anything he does wrong" goal last night. Just a day shy of completing the goal too! Darn. (I am on the fence about whether I should count it or not though because technically he brought up what he did and I agreed. What do you think?)
So this morning I feel discouraged and a bit lonely. He was off to work early and I'm supposed to work soon.. but whenever I feel this way I find myself running through conversations with my boss about taking today off. My job as a tour guide requires me to be happy and service-oriented for about 6 hours straight. While I almost inevitably leave happy from my job, I know that the people coming today have paid a lot for a guide that can put everything aside for them. I have an awesome boss who understands when we have bad days, and would rather us take a day to ourselves than represent the PCC in a negative way.
So my problem at this point is that I'm tired of taking days off because of this! I feel like I'm disappointing my boss and robbing myself of an opportunity to do something I love, but I don't feel at all ready to go serve people all day.
I'm using today as a test. Can I leave my problems at the back gate and smile for everyone else.
“It makes me happy to encounter goodness, love of work, humane intelligence, and people no matter at what kind of job, be it ever so humble, or ever so exalted, who do it well and con amore.”
So this morning I feel discouraged and a bit lonely. He was off to work early and I'm supposed to work soon.. but whenever I feel this way I find myself running through conversations with my boss about taking today off. My job as a tour guide requires me to be happy and service-oriented for about 6 hours straight. While I almost inevitably leave happy from my job, I know that the people coming today have paid a lot for a guide that can put everything aside for them. I have an awesome boss who understands when we have bad days, and would rather us take a day to ourselves than represent the PCC in a negative way.
So my problem at this point is that I'm tired of taking days off because of this! I feel like I'm disappointing my boss and robbing myself of an opportunity to do something I love, but I don't feel at all ready to go serve people all day.
I'm using today as a test. Can I leave my problems at the back gate and smile for everyone else.
“It makes me happy to encounter goodness, love of work, humane intelligence, and people no matter at what kind of job, be it ever so humble, or ever so exalted, who do it well and con amore.”
-Bernard Berenson
Maybe, just maybe, I can bring someone else happiness today by going into work.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Hiccups.
I feel like today is needing a blog post, but I'm distracted by way too many things to make it insightful.
Distraction #1: I cannot get rid of the hiccups! They are driving me totally insane.
Distraction #2: I think better when I've rested well, and after a few days straight of tour-guiding my brain and body are tired.
Distraction #3: an accumulating mess. Sean has been placed in charge of making money for our honeymoon. (We are using his tip money from tours that usually gets spent as quickly as its made.) However I feel that its unfair to put our whole trip on him so I'm helping out in small ways. I've been selling some of our random junk we never use, and as a more fun project I'm buying, upscaling, and then reselling stuff. I'm on a decorative vases kick, so right now my "living room" area is covered in trash bags, vases, and white spray paint overspray. I think the vases look pretty cool.. perhaps I shall take a photo? (eh.. maybe later.)
So fine I don't have very good reasons not to be intuitive tonight, but the hiccups really are a major thinking impediment.
In other news:
I've created my August resolutions chart and its all up to date! I already love have something to look at to track my progress, it makes it much easier to see the areas I need to improve (and where I'm doing well of course!)
So far my daily task has been 100% consistent! I've found that as I'm falling asleep and I remember that I haven't done it, knowing that I have to report my progress somewhere can be enough to get me up to do it.
My being-nice-to-husband goal is going well too! I've had a couple close calls but its been mostly smooth sailing.
I still have the hiccups so I'm done here.
Distraction #1: I cannot get rid of the hiccups! They are driving me totally insane.
Distraction #2: I think better when I've rested well, and after a few days straight of tour-guiding my brain and body are tired.
Distraction #3: an accumulating mess. Sean has been placed in charge of making money for our honeymoon. (We are using his tip money from tours that usually gets spent as quickly as its made.) However I feel that its unfair to put our whole trip on him so I'm helping out in small ways. I've been selling some of our random junk we never use, and as a more fun project I'm buying, upscaling, and then reselling stuff. I'm on a decorative vases kick, so right now my "living room" area is covered in trash bags, vases, and white spray paint overspray. I think the vases look pretty cool.. perhaps I shall take a photo? (eh.. maybe later.)
So fine I don't have very good reasons not to be intuitive tonight, but the hiccups really are a major thinking impediment.
In other news:
I've created my August resolutions chart and its all up to date! I already love have something to look at to track my progress, it makes it much easier to see the areas I need to improve (and where I'm doing well of course!)
So far my daily task has been 100% consistent! I've found that as I'm falling asleep and I remember that I haven't done it, knowing that I have to report my progress somewhere can be enough to get me up to do it.
My being-nice-to-husband goal is going well too! I've had a couple close calls but its been mostly smooth sailing.
I still have the hiccups so I'm done here.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Perspective
One of Gretchen's (author of "The Happiness Project") months was focused on contemplating the eternities. My focus on gaining perspective is not only present in my rule to "Remember Eternity," but will be more intensely studied in my month for faith. However, without getting too ahead of myself, I had a moment of clarity today that I think is worth noting.
For those of you who belief in a life that came before this and a life that will come after, I have a sharper focus on what exactly it means to believe in these different stages.
Imagine eternity as a geometric line. It extends infinitely in both directions.
like so..
<------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
Now imagine yourself at a specific place in eternity, in fact the only place that can divide your eternal life into different stages.
<-------------------------------------------------O------------------------------------------------>
We have existed for who knows how long before we came to earth here. Unfortunately we can't remember that part of ourselves while in the mortal life, but I guarantee that we used the "time" before our life here to prepare for this life because our choices here are that important.
Which means that the choices we make here and how we choose to live our very brief, yet significant, lives determines our ETERNITY. Think about that. We have a max of about 100 years here to find the truth that our whole souls are trying to remember. We've made it this far in our eternal journey, don't you think we owe it to ourselves to find the ultimate joy that comes from remembering who we are.
"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (You can find the source of this quote HERE)
This life is hard, but you owe it to yourself to figure out why it has to be that way. And compared to an eternal, infinite, never-ending existence, it is only a "small moment." This small moment prepares us for everything, for the infinite line that extends into eternity.
I'm sharing this because in order to persevere, or endure, in anything its necessary to have a purpose. Every so often I'm reminded of mine, and everyone else's, purpose of this life. I'm blessed to understand what it is.
Starting the week off on a positive note and a renewed perspective!
For those of you who belief in a life that came before this and a life that will come after, I have a sharper focus on what exactly it means to believe in these different stages.
Imagine eternity as a geometric line. It extends infinitely in both directions.
like so..
<------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
Now imagine yourself at a specific place in eternity, in fact the only place that can divide your eternal life into different stages.
<-------------------------------------------------O------------------------------------------------>
We have existed for who knows how long before we came to earth here. Unfortunately we can't remember that part of ourselves while in the mortal life, but I guarantee that we used the "time" before our life here to prepare for this life because our choices here are that important.
Which means that the choices we make here and how we choose to live our very brief, yet significant, lives determines our ETERNITY. Think about that. We have a max of about 100 years here to find the truth that our whole souls are trying to remember. We've made it this far in our eternal journey, don't you think we owe it to ourselves to find the ultimate joy that comes from remembering who we are.
"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (You can find the source of this quote HERE)
This life is hard, but you owe it to yourself to figure out why it has to be that way. And compared to an eternal, infinite, never-ending existence, it is only a "small moment." This small moment prepares us for everything, for the infinite line that extends into eternity.
I'm sharing this because in order to persevere, or endure, in anything its necessary to have a purpose. Every so often I'm reminded of mine, and everyone else's, purpose of this life. I'm blessed to understand what it is.
Starting the week off on a positive note and a renewed perspective!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Soul searchin
As you may have noticed, my resolutions for this month are nothing spectacular. They're small things that small daily actions either achieve or forget. Which is why I have no spectacular news for you about how this project has changed my life... but I'm hopeful that the day will come that I will be able to say my life is changing.
So, as I've hinted before, my relationship with my husband is one of my "perseverance" hurdles. If we aren't doing well, I have a hard time doing well on a personal level. Part of this month is to be able to do well regardless of our disagreements, but I'm ever-aware of my breaking point. Too many arguments and I lose my capacity for hope (which would result in a quick end to this project.)
A new goal!
go 1 week without asking my husband to improve anything for me.
explanation:
I've discovered the secret to men!
Well.. fine I didn't discover it.. Some experts discovered it and I read about it in a book. They are motivated by their desire not to fail... like with everything and anything.
Sean gets very discouraged with himself when I ask for even a small thing to be different. Which is probably because I feel I need to correct every teeny tiny thing that I think should be different. I couldn't understand why it was sooo hard for me to just let it go! But I think I understand now why I do it. Its a well known fact that everyone is on their best behavior during dating, and its not until married life assumes a routine that we begin to see a not-so-perfectly-charming side to our spouses. I knew before I married Sean that it was right for us to get married, and I was excited about it because I was so in love and he made me so happy. As we've struggled through understanding each other and we have become more and more aware of each other's faults, our relationship has grown strained at best. The bottom line is, I've been afraid. All my life I've grown up making lists of the qualities my wonderful husband will have. They weren't bad things to hope for, but I built so many expectations for him! So as the months have gone by and I've tried to kill the expectations that weren't met, I've grown more and more afraid that I chose someone who wasn't right for me. Which is why when I get the opportunity to "teach" him how I would prefer him to act towards me, I can't let it go. I don't want him to think its ok. Guess what he's learned by me doing this, "it's never good enough." I feel so awful that I've turned our marriage into such a guessing game of "who will mess up next?"
Fact: It was absolutely the right choice for Sean and I to get married.
Fact: We both want a loving and happy relationship.
Fact: Nagging won't change a dang thing.
I know I'm getting a jump start to my marriage month, but if I don't I fear I won't get to month 2. It all connects anyways!
So, as I've hinted before, my relationship with my husband is one of my "perseverance" hurdles. If we aren't doing well, I have a hard time doing well on a personal level. Part of this month is to be able to do well regardless of our disagreements, but I'm ever-aware of my breaking point. Too many arguments and I lose my capacity for hope (which would result in a quick end to this project.)
A new goal!
go 1 week without asking my husband to improve anything for me.
explanation:
I've discovered the secret to men!
Well.. fine I didn't discover it.. Some experts discovered it and I read about it in a book. They are motivated by their desire not to fail... like with everything and anything.
Sean gets very discouraged with himself when I ask for even a small thing to be different. Which is probably because I feel I need to correct every teeny tiny thing that I think should be different. I couldn't understand why it was sooo hard for me to just let it go! But I think I understand now why I do it. Its a well known fact that everyone is on their best behavior during dating, and its not until married life assumes a routine that we begin to see a not-so-perfectly-charming side to our spouses. I knew before I married Sean that it was right for us to get married, and I was excited about it because I was so in love and he made me so happy. As we've struggled through understanding each other and we have become more and more aware of each other's faults, our relationship has grown strained at best. The bottom line is, I've been afraid. All my life I've grown up making lists of the qualities my wonderful husband will have. They weren't bad things to hope for, but I built so many expectations for him! So as the months have gone by and I've tried to kill the expectations that weren't met, I've grown more and more afraid that I chose someone who wasn't right for me. Which is why when I get the opportunity to "teach" him how I would prefer him to act towards me, I can't let it go. I don't want him to think its ok. Guess what he's learned by me doing this, "it's never good enough." I feel so awful that I've turned our marriage into such a guessing game of "who will mess up next?"
Fact: It was absolutely the right choice for Sean and I to get married.
Fact: We both want a loving and happy relationship.
Fact: Nagging won't change a dang thing.
I know I'm getting a jump start to my marriage month, but if I don't I fear I won't get to month 2. It all connects anyways!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Happiness Project: Day 1
Here we go!!
This month I will be working on
PERSEVERANCE
because nothing would be worse than making this plan and then getting tired of it and quitting before I've gotten anywhere with it.
So here's the plan...
Accomplishing goals encourages me and makes me happy. I feel more confident in myself so this month I will
"Persistance is your measure of faith in yourself." -unknown
p.s. I'll be keeping track daily of my progress on Gretchen's happinessprojecttoolbox.com site, and I'll be measuring my weekly progress on a physical Resolution Chart. My goals, thoughts, and progress notes will be right here!
This month I will be working on
PERSEVERANCE
because nothing would be worse than making this plan and then getting tired of it and quitting before I've gotten anywhere with it.
So here's the plan...
Accomplishing goals encourages me and makes me happy. I feel more confident in myself so this month I will
- Set attainable goals with a concrete finish
- Begin a daily task (read scriptures)
- Listen to my shoulder angel in times of discouragement.
- Make a list/plan to accomplish more each day
My mom inspired the third bullet. Remember in The Emperor's New Groove when Kronk's shoulder angel and devil are arguing about what he should do? The idea is for me to ignore the negative thoughts telling me this is hopeless... and instead just keep going!
This month is also about learning to maintain a habit which is why the second bullet is so important. "If at first you don't succeed, try. Try again." (I know thats not how that quote is supposed to be split up but I like it better that way.) I get discouraged when I miss a day of my supposed-to-be-daily task, so to help I'm going to apply a few of Gretchen's tips for maintaining a work out schedule because I feel it applies.
"Always do it on Mondays, never skip it for 2 days in a row, give yourself credit for the smallest effort."
I've also noticed that my motivation is actually pretty easy to renew. When I hear a talk or read a book or quote I remember my direction and I can see myself being an improved version of myself. Which is why every day or so I'll have a new inspirational quote or lyric or whatever it may be. This insight also includes listening in church to messages about how to be more like Christ.
"Persistance is your measure of faith in yourself." -unknown
p.s. I'll be keeping track daily of my progress on Gretchen's happinessprojecttoolbox.com site, and I'll be measuring my weekly progress on a physical Resolution Chart. My goals, thoughts, and progress notes will be right here!