I fell in love with Sean very quickly. And, as anyone that has ever been in love can probably tell you, its a lot harder to learn to love than it is to fall in it. (Of course, when is falling ever very difficult?)
Being in love is having stars in your eyes that cover up any faults your sweetheart has. Its being on a high 24/7 because even if you're not with your wonderfully perfect significant other, just thinking about them makes you happy. Its feeling like you aren't complete unless you're together, like living isn't the same without them and you don't understand how you did it before. Its being able to communicate with ease because no matter what you're really hearing, all of it is surely a sign you were meant to find each other.
Learning to love is simply not this way. Its forgiveness and patience for faults you realize you can't stand, its loving someone despite of the faults you can't stand. Its accepting that, even if your relationship isn't everything you thought it would be, he/she is worth the effort in learning to love them for who they are.
I read a lot of books by one author, Jodi Picoult (by "a lot" I mean all.. I've read all of them. And I think she is where I get my writing style from?) Anyways, her books almost always include a relationship between a husband and wife, young in-love high schoolers, or old friends in which the couple understands each other so perfectly sometimes they don't even need to talk and everything's being said. They complete each other, and love despite bad decisions and flaws.
I just discovered today that there is a perfect place on Sean's shoulder where I can lay and fit perfectly. I was wondering why I hadn't noticed it before, but I figured it was just because he was sitting differently or something. But it felt like what Jodi Picoult writes about... like suddenly I had come across a moment where we just fit together perfectly.
Soo I guess what I'm trying to say is that love changes. Even if its always there as an underlying connection between two people, as the reason they struggle through communicating and understanding each other... it changes.
I used to HATE that my relationship with Sean wasn't the one I had assumed my relationship with my husband would be. I wanted him to know what I needed without me saying a word, I wanted him to be patient with my faults and understand why I have them, and I thought he would constantly be assuring me how much I meant to him.
I have spent so many hours feeling nothing short of despair because I thought I would never have the relationship I felt I needed with my husband.
Thankfully I've come to my senses. In one of these low moments of self pity, when I found that I needed to be the one to comfort my husband even though I felt I was the one truly in need of of some TLC... I really understood what it means when people say "it takes time." It doesn't matter that I think I'm clearly spelling out for him what I'm thinking and what I need him to do, until he's ready to do it its not going to matter. And thats ok, because one day he will get it. Because love changes. Right now its a lifeline in a nasty storm of early married life, but one day it will be comfortable and understanding.
Sean and I are finding out new things about each other, and every day our relationship changes just a little. But sometimes it just takes a small change to help us realize that it is possible, that love has the power to soften hearts and tie two people together forever.
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