I can't think of a more eloquent title for my message today. This is a break from my happiness project updates, and as much as I wanted to wait to post this until my marriage month, I figure there's no point in putting it off.
Note: I may or may not write a book about this. The audience is mostly intended to be young LDS couples, but I imagine most of you will find it compelling anyways.
So you know that couple who's only been dating for a few weeks, or even a few months, and is already planning their wedding date? What is it that they say again? Oh, thats right "When you know, you know!"
Has our generation started to use this as a crutch for rushing into marriage? I absolutely believe that God knows us and He knows who would be good companions for us. I don't believe that there is "The One." There are far too many people in the world for that. I do believe that there are "the few" who can fulfill, at least partially, our romantic, fairy-tale expectations of being in love. The young couples we see getting engaged left and right can fall into this category, but this is rarely the case. In fact, sometimes the only common ground they share is the gospel, which I absolutely believe can be enough for a lasting marriage, but, and I can't stress this enough, NOT an easy one.
I am not saying don't get married unless you're best friends and you can read each others thoughts and he opens the door for you and you love to do the same things etc... I'm saying that it's wonderful to KNOW that he/she is right for you, that you've found someone that the Lord has put in your path as a potential eternal companion, but just because its right there is no reason to rush to the altar.
When two people get married, their relationship changes (usually) from a carefree dating and lovey-dovey stage to one with responsibilities to each other and expectations. For example, I didn't expect my husband when we were dating to tell me where he was going to be and where his money was being spent. When we got married, he was surprised to find that he could no longer go out to eat when he pleased or leave the house for hours without me getting upset at him upon his return. I expected that he would view marriage as I did: a partnership in which we communicate with each other, are open about everything, want to spend spare time together, and create a family budget together. For one reason or another, and culture can play a very heavy role in our expectations, but he did not (does not) have the same understanding of how a marriage should be as I do. I've found that BECAUSE we're married, it is WAY harder for us to come to an agreement about how marriage SHOULD or should not be. I have no way of testing this theory, but I believe that if we had taken the time to discuss what we wanted from marriage and what we expected of each other beforehand, we would be 10 times more willing to make the necessary changes for each other than we are now.
Which brings me to my point: WAIT. Get engaged, love each other, plan a wedding for the future, but WAIT on it. Take time to learn each other. Most people take a year to plan a wedding because there is too much planning to do on short notice. Mormon weddings don't require nearly as much preparation, but getting to know the person you'll be spending eternity with does. Ask the questions about your future. Get to know favorites, how they were raised, what they want out of life, their needs, and the list goes on and on.
Its not reasonable to think you can learn everything before marriage, and that would take the fun out of getting to know each other through the years... but the beginning of your marriage will be hard regardless of how in love you are, Don't make it harder by marrying someone you barely know!
Just.. learn each other you guys. Thats all.
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