So for September I am introducing a very big/happiness-determining topic: MARRIAGE
(dun dun dun)
I have a 30 day husband appreciation project that I'll work on throughout the month that I recently found on pinterest, but aside from that I have quite a few new things to add to my daily resolution chart.
Deep breaths.. here we go
A. Cooking: To Sean (or maybe its a Polynesian thing?) having a big meal ready for him at the end of his day is a huge indicator of how much I care about him. This has been extremely difficult for me this past year. I didn't get the mormon-housewives-are-good-at-cooking memo and I certainly didn't receive any chef genes. Cooking frustrates me.. the measurements, the hard-to-understand instructions, spending so much money on ingredients. On top of this, I've been under the impression that everything I do for Sean may not be noticed, but at least I put him first. He doesn't quite see things the same way. So this month I'll have dinner ready at least 3 days a week, and each week I will learn to make a new meal, NOT because I have a desire to cook, but because Sean needs to know without a doubt that he means everything to me. If cooking's the way to do it, I'll literally swallow my aversion to making new things and JUST DO IT.
B. Play time: For those of you who read this and aren't LDS you won't know what "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" is, but anyways in this proclamation they give a few things that a successful marriage is built on. One of them is wholesome recreational activities. So each week Sean and I will be setting aside a date night (hopefully.) I made a "can of dates" with quite a few dates already planned out because our hardest obstacle in spending time together turns out not to be finding the time, but rather deciding what to do with our time. (If you want to keep up with the dates we do you can check out my new MadiSean blog -started in congruence with marriage month. If you want date ideas, recipes, photos, the whole shibang, it will have it this month. www.madisean.blogspot.com)
C. Start a new Tradition: So far my anniversary trip tradition that I was hoping to start has been an epic failure. I'm taking it as a sign that this is not a tradition that I'll be able to keep up with (ooh.. or maybe the tradition will be having a failure of a trip every year. ugh I feel sick just imagining this whole week repeating itself.) So I'll be consulting a few pinterest ideas I've pinned for creative tradition ideas that I'll want for when my kids grow up (because Sean and I aren't the greatest and coming up with things like that.) Anyways, the point of this one is to start something that we both enjoy and we look forward to each year. Luckily its not something I have to do every day.
D. Create a budget: Money could totally have its own month, but I'm hoping I can trick my brain into being less anxious about it by making it seem like a small task on a list. We don't struggle with money, but we're not smart with it either. We DEFINITELY don't agree with where it should be spent. Part of this problem will be alleviated as I make food a higher budget priority (hopefully), but I prefer to buy things that last (say.. clothes for instance?) I don't shop EVER anymore.. and I've had maybe 1 decent shopping trip in a year (which was with my mother.) Its driving me a little bit crazy actually. So its about time to sit down together and create a reasonable weekly budget for ourselves. Money can be a huge addition to happiness, or deterrent from happiness. As a couple we mostly just avoid talking about it, so if anything its a negative topic of discussion. (Any budgeting tips for us?)
E. Cultural differences: Some of you know that I am an international cultural studies Anthropology major. This means that I've been taking classes for 2ish years about different cultures, intercultural communication, handling differences, seeing the world differently, etc. I would do well with a refresher of a lot of these courses, but aside from that I never really studied anything in depth about my husband's background. A good friend of mine, also in an intercultural marriage, told me that she's been learning about the way her husband was raised and how it affects what is important to him and all that. She said it helped her understand why he said some of the things that offended her or why he believes what he does (like having a meal ready as a show of love). So this month I'm going to be researching the way Sean was raised and how its shaped what he thinks and how he understands the world.
F. Forgiveness: One of the biggest argument-prolongers that we encounter is my inability to apologize after being the one who was offended/hurt/etc. (The way I worded that sentence makes it pretty obvious that I still have a tremendously hard time with this.) I understand how Sean thinks about it.. he doesn't want to be the only one thats making the mistake, and me bringing something up that offended me (or whatever it was) hurts him. So this problem will be resolved in a few steps. 1. Take no longer than 5 minutes to forgive him/ "get over" whatever it was he did/said. 2. If it is important enough of an issue to find a solution, begin the conversation by apologizing for needing to talk about it 3. Stay as calm as possible and be aware that he's not going to like the conversation, so patience is necessary.
Any tips about how you've made this process easier?
Soo that was a lot. Obviously this is going to be a very full, and hopefully pivotal month.
One year of marriage down.
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