As beautiful as true empathy can be in practice, I've been met with conflicting views on putting it into practice. Its like I'm being told to feel it but don't do it. Which is so silly to me that I feel its worth writing about, because having a concern for the well-being of others is pivotal to my happiness.
Serving others in any situation provides a glimpse at empathetic love.
"If you want to love someone, serve that person."
-Elder Vaughn J Featherstone.
I have worked in customer service for the last 2 years. 1 year was as a tour guide at the PCC, a few months was a waitress in Provo, and now I work as a customer service agent at the corporate office for a jewelry company. While being a guide was an extremely unique type of service each day I worked, it taught me to love everyone and go above and beyond to make their day. Even now, answering phones and emails to help people with their businesses I use this principle. Everyone deserves a break now and then. I want to make sure that when they speak with me its a break from a crappy day or a break from the less-than-sub-par-customer service they are used to with other companies.
Now, I don't get paid extra for "going to the extra mile", if you will, for those I speak with. Sometimes those people are even overly rude, entitled, or needy. I do it though, because I know love for others is so important.
I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. I'm setting the stage for "feedback" I have had about my desire to show empathy to others.
Two influential people in my life, we will call them Joe and Bill, have had a fair amount to say about empathy.
Exhibit A.) Joe told me "You are letting people walk all over you. They are using you. People are not going to appreciate that you are doing so much unseen, extra work for them, but they will keep asking you to do it. And then they will ask you to do more and more, and what are you getting from it? Nothing. Not a pay raise, not respect, just a "thanks for doing your job", now do more since you're doing so well with what you have already."
In a way Joe's right, I don't get recognition, praise, etc for what I do. And sometimes people take advantage of a listening ear or a helpful attitude. That' totally unfortunate, but I can't control what they choose to do with the love and care I give them. At the end of the day, I'm accountable for how I treat people, not how they treat me in response.
Exhibit B.) Bill "Empathy might be your greatest strength as a customer service rep, but its also your greatest weakness."
A weakness? When I was told this I understood where he was coming from... People call me and tell me the trouble they're having and I feel for them. I pass it along, and sometimes if I feel passionately about it it can become a whole ordeal because I don't have a right to imagine my opinions count when running a business. It was like I was being told that people could influence me to do anything, to feel the way they feel because I have "too much empathy." I have the spine to stand up for them, but not against them. The reality is though, that my empathy allows me to help others feel good again about what they're doing. It gives them an ally when things aren't working out the way they were told it would. Sometimes, if their opinions back ones that I already have I will pass it on.. making me "impressionable"... "weak."
I've decided something though. Empathy is not a weakness. It is never a weakness. It is my greatest strength, especially when looking for real and lasting happiness. I believe the world could use more of it, and I'm not going to take it away from those who need it just because it doesn't suit some people to see me be "taken advantage of" or "convinced" one way or another.
It reminds me of a quote by Zoey Deschanel.. (a totally worthy role model if you ask me)
I deserve to feel confident in myself, to feel that my strengths are strengths. Throughout this journey of mine I refuse to let people make me feel bad about allowing myself to feel. I refuse to run away from feeling things deeply, or from caring for others without being able to control what they'll do in response.
My heart is my greatest asset.
Empathy is the greatest truth.
