Happiness after Depression

at·ti·tude

noun

1. 1.

   a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior.

Let me start by saying that for me, and many others, there will most likely never be a real "after depression" part of my life. I will probably be handling it my whole life. 

That being said, either before medication or with it, I have always HATED it when people tell me that happiness is a choice. 

Maybe its because for so long it hasn't been a choice for me. Depression doesn't leave much room for choosing emotion, and the people with the happy-go-lucky-attitudes just didn't get that. 

But even with my depression mostly under control, I was surprised to find that I'm still extremely agitated at the "happiness is a choice" mentality. It might just be that years of knowing that it wasn't like that for me conditioned me to dismiss it altogether, but no matter the reason, I've come face to face with a simple (annoying) truth: I have to change my attitude. I settled into the comfortable fact that I was a "slave" to the chemical imbalance I faced everyday, but now that I've been taking medicine to counteract that, happiness might really be a daily choice for me. 

WEIRD. I have no idea how to handle it or where to start. Its daunting to think about all the behaviors I have to change now. Even if it was depression that kept me "lazy" in bed most afternoons, annoyed at small things, or struggling with self confidence, they were still behaviors I got used to. Still a lifestyle I got used to. Now the so-called cloud has lifted and I still want to go to bed after work and feel bad about myself.

Let me rephrase that, I don't want to be lazy or have low self-esteem or any of that, but I still find myself slipping into that role because I got so used to it! I'm exhausted thinking about all I need to change now that I can.

I had a good conversation at lunch the other day about getting things done. I think people are inclined to get overwhelmed easily by big tasks. At the beginning of the semester, students have a freak-out day looking at all the assignments they have to do before finals, as if all of it needs to get done asap. Sure, by the end of that big project at work you will have finished multiple drafts, rewrites, edits, and worksheets. Do you need to do it all at once though? Of course not! But we still look at it all and have a melt down because how on earth will we get it all done!?
Well, how do you eat an elephant?
(You don't I hope..)
One bite at a time. One step at a time. One day at a time.

I need a real attitude change so that every day and situation I face is met with positivity. That's a lot of situations and a lot of days. I've got a mile long list of things I could do better, but number one on my list is changing my attitude about change. Its a slow process if its going to last, which I hate, and it needs to be revisited and checked for progress often.

So without further ado, I've come to the point: I am restarting my happiness project! This time it will be with daily checklists and weekly "progress reports." I don't have it all set up yet but I have a whole day to get organized :)
Its happening!

If you want to do a happiness project of your own (based on Gretchen Rubin's book "The Happiness Project"), let me know and I can outline how it works and how to keep up with it and what not! 

Live better and smile!

Mads

Be better: A call for a failing society to live above comparisons

Live above comparisons.

What does that even mean? Well, saying "live above the influence/norm/standard" all would have been along the same line, but I say live above the comparisons because everyone's standards or norms are different. People need to start learning to expect more of themselves.

How many times have you thought, or even said, "Right, I might be doing this thing below my potential, but compared to so-and-so its 10 times better." Or "Well... at least I did better than them."

Give yourself a pat on the back, you've surpassed someone who is deciding to work/live below their potential too!

I feel a lot of pressure to be perfect, but I have a real expectation for myself that I cannot be perfect. Unfortunately, sometimes that bleeds into the thought "Is it unrealistic to expect me to do ALL of that! Look at so-and-so, they don't do any of it! At least I'm doing better than that."
That is called complacency, excuses, and a lack of determination to be better.

Our society, this generation, is failing the world. These days, it is so normal to hear about tragedy, shootings, hatred, selfishness, scandals, and corruption. Take the notorious revenge porn site operator, the Arizona stockbroker who killed his wife with a golf club, Beiber getting arrested with a DUI, the teacher who plead guilty for sex abuse, or the man who shot his father-in-law in church. These were all the first new stories that came up just for today. Do ANY of them shock me? No.
Do they shock you?

I'm really not saying everyone is bad and the world is bad and we're all terrible.
What I think is important is that people start to SEE what's going on, and take personal action. The world's only going to get worse. I certainly don't want to raise any children in a world like this one, let alone whatever it will be like 10 years down the road when I'm sending them to school and hoping they'll be able to live above the influences around them.

We read about, hear about, and see awful things happen every single day. The consistency alone makes these things feel normal. With the first school shootings last year, the entire country tuned into the national news broadcasts to follow the story. Now look at us, not even a year later. Since the beginning of this year alone there has been an average of a school shooting every. other. day.  I hadn't heard about a single one of them until I searched for it. We are conditioned to accept things as the "way they are", and we adjust our lifestyles and expectations for ourselves and others accordingly.

Well what if we adjusted them the other way? Every time we hear about something bad happening, we take a moment to feel the weight and sadness of that event happening in the world we live in, and then we ACT in a different way. I do not believe that we are wired to want to live below our potential, to do the least amount of work to get by. But I do believe society's taught us that it is acceptable and even encouraged to do so.

Be better. Be better than you were yesterday, better than the norm we live under, better than what everyone says is acceptable.

You're right Mr. 24/7-Porn-addict, pornography is extremely common! You're also right Miss. I-drink-to-forget-the-reality-of-my-life, using alcohol to escape is legal and therefore acceptable! You're right on the money Mr. I-have-control-in-my-home-so-I'll-treat-my-wife-and-kids-however-I-want, male dominance has been common for decades so you're upbringing may very well have conditioned you to think abuse is normal. (shall I go on?) Well, even though you're all "right", did  you know that these things also kill people, families, marriages, happiness, love, hope, etc...

Be BETTER. I truly believe our souls want light and real joy. The destructive habits of society are literally all masterfully designed to condition us to become accustomed to violence, hatred, and selfishness. I also believe that if we consciously change what is considered normal for us, we can make a difference in the world. We can change the stories that come on the news everyday.

"I think some people are too scared, or something. I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad - to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses. " [Pay It Forward: Trevor McKenney.]

Take it from Trevor, we're all losing when we're too scared to change the way things are. Create a better world to live in, create a better place for your children.

Society's drawn the line.
Live better.

My very first DIY tutorial: Easy, adorable pallet coasters

Behold, my first DIY tutorial! Ideally I will have a new blog coming soon for these projects, but for now this space I have will have to do. I figured out I'm pretty good at recreating things I see, so I'm going to start dabbling in the DIY.

I know everyone is secretly dying to know how to make coasters that look like miniature pallets, so I made them and took pictures along the way. :)

Supplies:
A bag of popsicle/craft sticks
hot glue or wood glue (I used wood glue because Walmart was sold out of hot glue guns)
wood stain, a rag, and disposable gloves
scissors

Instructions

1. Cut the ends off of the sticks. I actually did this at the end because I was afraid to cut them at first, but do it first so the stain gets all over it. A good pair of scissors should be able to cut them without any real splintering problems.
2. Put those gloves on and stain the sticks! As much as I didn't want to do it, I ended up staining them one at a time. I dipped the rag in stain and then ran it along the popsicle stick. This let me do both sides at once, even if it meant having to do them one by one.
   
   You should end up with a nice pile of beautiful stained sticks :)
   
3. Once they are dry place 2 sticks parallel to each other a stick's width apart.
   
4. Put glue on each stick at about the same distance from one of the edges.
   
   Again, I had to use wood glue, but you'll see in the final image that its actually visible when it dries. I would rather have used hot glue.
    
5. Find 3 sticks that are the same width (or height since they will be standing on their side.) These will be the "cross beams" of your pallet.
   Place one across the 2 sticks laying down on the glue.
   
   
    You may need to hold it for a second so the glue can hold it up.
   
   
   Repeat with the next 2 sticks, one halfway and one at the bottom.
   
   
6. Once those 3 are pretty set, grab 2 more sticks to be glued on top, right above the original 2 sticks laying down.
   Glue them on by adding the glue to the top of each of the 3 standing up sticks where the 2 new ones will lay.
   
   
7. Take 6 more sticks and arrange them across the top. Do not glue yet.
   
   
8. Once you're happy with the spacing, start gluing one stick down by putting the glue across the 3 sticks standing up. Continue this for all 6 sticks until they are glued in placed.
   
   
9. Once all of the top sticks are set in place and dried, turn the pallet coaster over to add a few sticks to the back for an authentic pallet look. Repeat the same process that was done on the top. I added only 4 sticks to the bottom to save on sticks and because most pallets do have slats missing.
   
   
10. Once those have dried, flip it back over and you're done!
    

I LOVE miniature versions of things, so I'm obsessed with how cute they are. I made these for my parent's house, but I'm thinking I'll need to make some to go with my pallet table.

Have fun! 

An Unintentional Hiatus

Happy July! Though I am sure my absence in the blog world has been missed (ya right), I won't waste anyone's time apologizing for my inactivity. It may or may not happen again, who really knows whats going to happen after a burst of "I-should-keep-up-with-my-blog" motivation.

Whats funny is that before I sat down to send some thoughts into the unknown, I had so many of them. Now I can't seem to think of anything that was so pressing before, but I think I need to touch upon what I've been doing the past 4 months.

In short, I have not been doing my happiness project. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for lasting 6 months on one project I have to say. Either way, I can go forward from here in a few different directions.
a. I can write off my blog, call it a good ride and take one developing commitment off my plate.
b. I can revamp the resolutions I've set for myself and pick up where I left off (probably skipping the health part for now since that's where I died before.)
c. I can keep the blog, skip the project, and rant about nothing for awhile.

Fine, you're right.. I should probably go with b. But somehow I feel different from when I was going through my happiness project before.
I don't want a checklist, I want to live so tuned in to God's plan for me that my actions and everyday choices reflect what he wants me to do. So after I work to figure out what brings me and my family happiness, I will rely on a more reliable source to remind me to keep up those things.

Joy is happiness that burns in your soul. There is no extinguishing the feelings of love that you will feel when you understand your place in eternity as a child of an ever-watchful God. Loneliness does not exist, fear does not exist where the love of God is embraced.
What can be so heartbreaking about this truth is that SO many people believe that being loved is dependent on their actions or beliefs. I have earnestly been trying to love as Christ and our Father in Heaven love us and to see people through their eyes. As I have tried to do so, however imperfectly I may be accomplishing it, I understand more fully how perfect and enveloping that love is. It is true joy to feel the love is given FREELY to us, and to feel it for another person, any person.

Wow.. I didn't know I would be going in that direction when I started this.
I also have a word to say concerning friendship. I sort of recently moved to a new home (welcome to Provo).. which means I have hardly any friends in the area. I don't know what this month was supposed to focus on, but I think right now I'll be focusing on building friendships and the best way to do it.
Maybe no one else needs a tutorial on how to make friends, but its something I could use so I figure I'll let yall know what works and doesn't work about the way I do it.

Until next time :)

February and March all at once!

You may or may not have noticed that I haven't posted anything since January. (If you did notice thanks for being a somewhat interested fan, and if you didn't thats ok too.) Honestly I've started a few different posts but never finished them.

February was supposed to be focused on learning. I was too busy learning to write about it, but I did make an important connection for myself. I go to BYUH, where religion and education are not only side-by-side, but intwined. I've realized that this is an incredibly unique thing. Most of America believes religion should be separate from.. well.. just about everything. But I am so grateful that I don't have to keep my faith separate from my schooling. In fact, incorporating what I believe about the gospel of Christ into my studies not only helps me to do better in school than I ever could on my own, but it also helps me make connections between basically everything in this life and our Father in Heaven who created it all. Every once in awhile I'm amidst the mob of people who complain about unfair honor code enforcement and how "strict" the administration can be, but regardless I still appreciate this learning environment. Many people who seek higher education find themselves drifting from the faith they grew believing in.. they put their trust in science or things they can prove, or their sophisticated philosophy classes have them thinking about where faith fits in to human reasoning. Bottom line, I can learn about all of that stuff in a way that actually strengthens my faith instead of hurting it.
I love learning. I'm happy when I'm moving forward and learning inside and outside of classes helps me feel like I'm progressing to different places in my life.

Now March has come and its a month I've wanted to delete off my list of resolutions because I'm supposed to be focusing on health. I suck at eating healthy and I hate exercising. I love sugar and salt and anything I don't have to cook or spend a fortune to buy. This leaves me with a crappy diet and a weak body. I don't get nearly enough protein so I feel tired and sick all the time. Unfortunately this is one of those things that I know in theory, but don't believe is actually true. Its weird, its a dumb way to think, and its time for a change.
First order of busy: I HAVE to learn that is ok to spend money on eating healthy! I've always hated spending a lot at the grocery store on food because it seems so temporary. I'd rather buy clothes that last years. Anyways I did already start this goal by allowing myself to shop well for good food. I found 3 recipes I wanted to learn how to make and I bought everything without feeling guilty at the register.. in fact it was actually kind of relieving to know I had a few meals I had everything for. Anyways this is far from being consistent and I'm sure when money's tight I'll slip back into eating junk because its cheaper.. but its a start. :)
I dont even want to mention exercise, but I figure working out 3 times a week is a good place to start. (Someone hold me to it or I'll cheat.)
Lasttt but not least. Sleep right! Early to bed early to rise. I'll be in bed by 9:30 and going to sleep no later than 10. And my alarm for everyday is set for 7 am. 9 hours of sleep is supposed to be enough for someone my age so we'll see how valid that is.

Any health tips would be appreciated. I'm not trying to lose weight, I just want to be healthy!

A Chicken with its body cut off

I've been thinking about my thoughts constantly this month. I'm trying to be aware of how I perceive everything that happens to me and how I'm handling all I need to do.. which reminds that I left the laundry in the washing machine.
Now that thats taken care of.. I've felt like a chicken's head wondering where my body's running off to since school started. (Did that work? I was just trying to be more creative than the "chicken with its head cut off" thing). But it actually makes sense for me because really my body's been going through the motions of everything I have to do and my head's not really there.
This means that I don't have a good grasp on what I need to do for all my classes and when I am in class my mind wanders all over the place. Feeling sort of lost and jumbled would normally drive me insane and make me panicky about getting back on track and into a rhythm, but like I said I've been doing some introspection. My self awareness has led me to a surprisingly comfortable place: I'm grateful for the moments where I'm lost.
I spend a lot of time planning and preparing. I don't necessarily like doing it, but if you've been reading my posts for awhile you'll understand that its made me happy to have a plan and to accomplish things. So what I've done this month is taught myself that when that doesn't happen, it doesn't have to lead to a lack of happiness. I am capable of not only being content when my life isn't totally straightened out, but I am happy when it isn't.

I don't really have a "how to" for you, which makes me feel a little bad for posting about this. I just had to think my way into this idea. I do think it started with my Attitude of Gratitude week though.
It was really strange being grateful for things I would have previously been irritated at or I would have complained about, but none of it seemed like a big deal at all after I told myself I was in fact grateful for  the small trial. And when the little annoyances and hassles aren't a big deal, there isn't anything preventing you from being happy. Moral of the story: TRY IT! Try going through a week of being grateful for EVERYTHING. that means being grateful for the mosquito bites you get at work, for a stolen longboard/bike, for having a messy house to clean, for the heaps of homework your teachers give you all at once, for the people who didn't sit next to you in class.. (just to name a few..) Try consciously telling yourself you're grateful for all of it.. at the end of the day try to remember what "trials" you endured and be grateful for the life you live.

Get A Grip.

Miss me?

I didn't really miss blogging because I just enjoyed a fabulous Christmas break with my family. Now THERES the secret to happiness.. knowing that I'm going to be with these people FOREVER.

But this post isn't about how awesome my family and my husband's family are (aka all my family), its about a roller coaster.
That's right, a roller coaster you've never ridden before that starts slow, but once it picks up speed there is no way to figure out where its going next. This isn't a particularly clever analogy, in fact I'm considering not including it in this post at all. For the sake of not being able to think of another one, however, I'm going to have to settle with my life is like a roller coaster pitch.

As a quick recap, December was an awesome spin on the coaster that I wish I could repeat or spend more time on. Sean and I have enjoyed a little over a month of zero arguing and a relationship that I can only guess is what people are referring to when they describe Cloud 9. I'm really not trying to brag about it, though. Because, as anyone who's ever ridden a roller coaster can tell you, they can't go up forever. Inevitably you reach the top and for just a moment you're rounding the summit and wondering if its about to take you on an easy spin downwards or a deep, stomach-wrenching plunge.
I've been frozen in that moment for a couple days. Is one nasty argument really capable of destroying all progress we've made? Are we about to fall and forget how lovely a view we had on the ride up? Oh gracious Madison.. GET A GRIP.
Today I unveiled a new truth for myself. I CAN fake it till I make it. Sometimes to feel confident and happy, I have to fake it first and I'll fool myself into believing it. It was a couple rough days.. no one gets to be blissful every second of every day. I've been so blessed with such an immense degree of pure love between me and Sean that I shouldn't be surprised its time for me to use what I've learned. Our relationship has gotten stronger, and because of that we will have to endure harder trials together, maybe even more trials. In any case, a roller coaster may start off with its biggest and most terrifying drop, but its just so you can gain speed and get through the next ones. In fact, if you survive that one everything else seems easy in comparison. (Soo deep, I know.)

Anyways this whole spiel has a point. I'm starting off 2013, a new month and a new year, focusing on my ATTITUDE.
I don't want to be at the top of the ride about to fall over the side with nothing but fear and worry. I want to enjoy the view from the top and believe that no matter where I fall or how upside down life seems, in the end I'll be able to look back at the ride and know that it was worth it. And it is.
I may be disoriented (often) and anxious of the future (most of the time), but its not going to help the course get any straighter. I'm going to learn to scream all the fear out of me and turn it into joy and fun.

This week I'll be practicing an Attitude of Gratitude. This means that every prayer I say is used to say Thank You for everything I've been given, and that I walk around grateful for EVERYTHING (even the rain if it decides to be horrible and continue its rampage over the island.) I've heard a lot throughout my life about the benefit of focusing on what we are thankful for, so this week I'm putting it to the test (to the extreme.) I'm actually really excited about this, someone remind me to report back about it..

In general I'm also working on my attitude towards being flexible. I am a little skeptical about the success I'll have with this because I feel like my desire to know about things and make plans is part of my unchangeable personality, but I can always develop new ways of handling change right?

I feel really good about this week, well.. this year in general. If you must know (as if you were insisting or something?) I haven't posted until now because I didn't feel good about it. I've just plain missed my family and I've been struggling with feeling like I don't belong at my job anymore. So I'm telling myself to GET A GRIP. If I can't change what's going to happen I HAVE to learn to find happiness in it somewhere.. or at least be happy that whatever's happening will end at some point.

So my friends, Happy New Year. I hope you all have made more concrete resolutions than I have. Perhaps if you were considering starting a happiness project then now would be a grand time to begin!